Wife finds out husbands plan to gift her a two-seater car she despises for her 45th birthday, wonders if she should call out his selfishness: 'He knows how I feel about this car'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 10, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Gift-giving is an art form that not everyone has the talent for. Some folks are great gift-givers, tapping into their recipients' secret desires and making them manifest before their eyes. Others just get a Chili's gift card and call it a day. And that's okay, not everyone needs to be a gifted gift-giver. As they famously say, "It's the thought that counts." And that truly is the case. As long as you've given it ample thought and choose something you want they'll appreciate at least on some level, then you're in the clear. What makes people angry is when you give a gift that's in total disregard for what they want and/or need. 

A third kind of gift giver is those who give gifts that are actually for themselves. They only know what they want, and they're using your special day as an excuse to give themselves something. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10492257024
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story when a man saw his wife's birthday as a chance to get something that he really wanted… a sort of midlife crisis gift. The problem was that his wife not only didn't care about the gift but actively hated it since it reminded her of bad times. She was torn, though, on whether or not to disclose that she knew his plan. Read on for the story.

  • 02

    I found out my husband's present for my bday and hate it. AITA?

    I know I'll sound ungrateful, but I need an advice I'll turn 45 in a few weeks and I casually found out what my husband is going to give me as a present. Flash back: when we started dating, he had a 2- seats Bmw he loved. He had one major accident with it, spent a month in hospital, had it repaired,
    via u/SickplusTired
  • 03
    then it was stolen three times (!!!). It caused a lot of fights and pain between us, and also a huge loss of money. I hated it. When our first daughter was born, he agreed there was no use in a two-seats car and sold it. The guy who took it only paid half of it, the other half
    via u/SickplusTired
  • 04
    was never paid for (hence lawsuit, lawyers, another loss of money, more hate). But that was almost 20 years ago. Now I found out that he's found the very same Bmw and bought it as a present FOR ME! He knows how I feel about this car, it brought a lot of negativeness in our lives, we don't need it and I don't want to drive it. It's basically
    via u/SickplusTired
  • 05
    for himself. How am I supposed to react when he'll give it to me? Falsely cheerful? I know this car, having it again, makes him happy, but it definitely makes me unhappy. I don't want to disappoint him, but he did disappoint me... I can't help but feeling and AH!
    via u/SickplusTired
  • 06

    Commenters pointed out what they thought was really going on here.

    ValuableArachnid6... . 6h ago He got the gift for himself and is using your birthday as a way to justify it
    via u/ValuableArachnid6
  • 07
    StrangledInMoonlight 6h ago • Let's hope he's dumb enough to put it in OP's name ((since it's supposed to be a gift for her). Then she can sell it and use the money to buy something she actually wants.
    via u/StrangledInMoonlight
  • 08
    Due-Season6425 • 6h ago I would casually bring up that car in some roundabout way in conversation. Don't let on you know about the upcoming birthday "present".
    via u/Due-Season6425
  • 09
    I would say something like, "I absolutely despised that car. I am so glad I never have to see it again. I get a bad feeling whenever I see one when I am out driving. If it were still around, we'd probably be divorced over it. Thankfully, that car is long gone". Unless your husband is a total idiot, he will get the message, and hopefully, get you a real present - not some toy for him.
    via u/Due-Season6425
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    Sesquipedalophobi... • 6h ago I'd be honest. I would tell him you found out and the reasons you don't want it.
    via u/Sesquipedalophobia82
  • 11
    Vintagekittykatt • 6h ago He got himself a gift. For his birthday buy him a manicure and bikini wax
    via u/Vintagekittykatt
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    Turbulent_Ebb5669 · 7h ago NTA. Your husband, on the other hand, only thinks of himself.
    via u/Turbulent_Ebb5669
  • 13
    Rare_Sugar_7927 • 5h ago I'd some how bring the car up in conversation before my birthday and go on about how impractical it would be with our lives now, how unsafe it is, how I'm so glad its out of our lives and how i hope to never see it again.
    via u/Rare_Sugar_7927
  • 14
    Then, when that AH gives it to you, never let him drive it. Keep the only keys for it. Make sure it's in your name only. Drive it whenever you can. Take it and park it somewhere like a friend's or
    via u/Rare_Sugar_7927
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    I'd even pay for parking somewhere if I had too. He would NEVER set foot in it ever, not even as a passenger. NTA and do start thinking about what you really want for your birthday so you can give it to him for his.
    via u/Rare_Sugar_7927
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    HeartAccording5241 · 6h ago I would say thanks I can sell it and get something I really want
    via u/HeartAccording5241
  • 17
    Carri_Carri_Carri • 6h ago Classic Homer Simpson move
    via u/Carri_Carri_Carri
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10492256512
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 19
    AIWeed 420 · 5h ago . NTA - For his next birthday you should get him that new boyfriend you've always needed, just didn't know it.
    via u/AIWeed420
  • 20
    boundaries4546 · 5h ago I would never ever let him drive it. You should sell it.
    via u/boundaries4546
  • 21
    aiudknoNowuknow 2h ago This feels less like a birthday gift for you and more like his midlife crisis wrapped in a bow. You're not the AH, he bought himself nostalgia, not your happiness.
    via u/aiudknoNowuknow
  • 22
    Jessabelle517 • 3h ago Just say...Wow dear you bought yourself a gift for my Birthday! How endearing for you! Where's mine at?
    via u/Jessabelle517
  • 23
    WinterCrunch • 6h ago Maybe he bought it just so you can push it over a cliff? That'd be a thoughtful gift - a lovely catered dinner at sunset on an ocean cliff, and for dessert, you get to cut the rope and watch the car fall, bounce, then explode gloriously on the rocks below. Best birthday EVER! Edit: NTA obviously.
    via u/WinterCrunch
  • 24
    Enigmaticsole • 6h ago Ok so I read your title and am wondering what your husbands present FOR YOU is? He has clearly bought this for himself.
    via u/Enigmaticsole
  • 25
    Do not wait until the day of your birthday. Make it very clear that this is not your birthday gift, remind him (as if he needs reminding- what an idiot) of your feelings towards this car and tell him you want no part of it. Your feelings are completely valid. He can be happy driving around on his own in this mid life crisis.
    via u/Enigmaticsole
  • 26
    Tell him this is not for you. If he still gifts it to you, get him to sign it over to you and then sell it scrap the thing. Your husband is an idiot. I am sorry.
    via u/Enigmaticsole
  • 27
    . Vegetable Business... • 5h ago So what you're saying is your husband bought himself a present on your birthday... I would either tell him congrats on the car now give you the price of the car out of his own account, or because I'm petty...
    via u/VegetableBusiness897
  • 28
    I'd ask him how much he paid for it and for each occasion that requires a gift from her on in, you give him a wrapped photo of whatever you would have given him, with a -$X from the total of the car....until the cost of the car is zeroed out. That'll make shipping eat for a while NTA
    via u/VegetableBusiness897

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship gifts marriage midlife crisis relationship status relationship-drama gift reddit story marriage-drama relationships midlife story reddit thread Reddit healthy relationship
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